Thoughts on happiness

Everything I ever wrote, I wrote for the same purpose. Happiness. How many people miss out on such a simple thing? And if they do, can we then call it simple? Maybe many of us never find it because we are looking in the wrong places. But then, it is pretty hard to know where the right ones are. I'm not really sure if anybody knows that, yet there are people – and quite a few in number – that did find it, and held on to it and that, up until today, have never lost it ever again. No matter how hard it got, they just did not loose it anymore. So, how do we explain this? The sixty year old man, at the train station, with the smile on his face. A smile, so deep and pure, you cannot imagine this man without it. It's almost too beautiful to be real, and that in itself, is sad. Or, to take another example, the happy couple that walks down the street. Not in a touchy feely manner that makes you want to vomit silently in a corner, no, but the togetherness kind of happy. The one that looks real, and that, in its very own soft and honest manner, probably is. Yet again, so crudely wonderful, it's hard to imagine that these people could loose it. Ever. And even if they should, how would they then forget this? How could they believe it's impossible to find, when they had it right there, in that very moment? That, too, is sort of sad to the observer. Happiness often has this effect on us, is it not? The thought that, as you look at it from a distance, you may never feel it. You may never get there. Or, if you did, that you may never hold on to it forever. Is it just temporary, this happiness? Is it that this particular man, or the dreamy couple, or anyone who looks deeply touched by contentment, just got lucky and that this luck, no matter what, is doomed to fail? Is it just an exception, only there for a few moments, to consequently vanish and leave us staring into the same old abyss we had once denied our gods in? Is that the true reason why happiness can make us so incredibly sad sometimes?

I don't consider myself a particularly “lucky” person etiher, you know. Apart from the fact that I am talented at ruining things, a lot of things around me also just get ruined by circumstances far beyond my control (or anyone else's). I have this joke with a friend that God probably sits up there, watching me, waiting eagerly for me to feel good so that he can finally go back to amusing himself by throwing random obstacles my way. Just for the fun of it. I love that joke, because I really like to imagine Mister God Himself gniffling as he chooses another grand coup from his “torture tools”-box. On the other hand, I can't believe that life works that way. It is far from what I've learned. Truly, it's not that some people are simply better off than others, a kind of lottery that works in a completely random manner. No, no, no ... life just isn't fair, and it also never will be. Yet, personally, this is exactly why it indeed appears very fair to me. Or am I crazy? In the end, there's one truth that will never disappoint you. Namely, that you can only securely rely on the fact that you cannot really rely on anything to make you happy or unhappy. If you look for blame, be it in yourself or in the “evil” people around you, then you sort of deprive yourself from gaining on happiness. Most importantly, you become less free. And the feeling (because it's nothing physicial, trust me) of freedom is the closest you will ever get to eternal happiness. Yes, I know, sounds pretty easy. It really isn't. Here's a flash to all of those comfortable people out there – happiness is essentially not easy. And it certainly doesn't come for free so maybe you should quit the lottery type of thinking, that limiting and boring one in which you just sit and wait around. But for what? Really, once you reach a certain age, there are no easy years anymore in which you can avoid suffering and pain. You wish. On the other hand, there is also no comparable type of joy. I mean, seriously, nobody telling you how to live, where to go or what to believe in? Finally, you're allowed to breathe that grown up air! But then, why is it that all you would really love to do is to go back to being that child that always complained about its lack of autonomy? Maybe, you still do not really deserve it. But don't worry, it may not be easy to reach, yet whenever you start learning a few essential lessons, you are on the right track anyway. A few of them, I have listed already, right? Do you remember? Wait, just let me recapitulate for a sec'.

1. Eternal happiness is not void of suffering, it only improves your capacity to live with it and learn from it faster and more constructively. At the same time, your good times become better. Life is fuller. It contains more, but truer, emotions and that in itself enlightens you if you learn to draw the conclusion I already mentioned before: “it's not that some people are better off than others”... it's all about attitude!

2. Freedom, as in realizing the wisdom in that last statement above, is the closest link to happiness you can find in life. Freedom means comprehending that life is indeed not a lottery, and that you're not just eihter lucky or unlucky – whatever that means. But that, in each and every single circumstance, you are you and contentment is right in front of you.
3. Freedom is not a physical experience of being able to move without constraints in space. It's much rather a spiritual recognition that the power to be free is in your mind. When viewed this way, no physical constraints can ever break your sense of freedom, unless you let them. And yes, this includes being “locked up”, because sometimes freedom means nothing more than realizing that, although they can lock up your body, noone but you holds the key to lock up your mind.
4. He who does not realize one until four limits him or herself in quite a damaging way concerning the attainment of happiness. If you limit yourself in that way, you do not have any automony. And, until you start changing inside, you never will. Fortunately (for them?), though, people with a severe lack of autonomy often also lack that very recognition.

Sounds a lot like “stupid people are happier people” to you because, basically, I just said that if you do not realize your lack of autonomy, you can also not really notice your lack of freedom or, consequently, your lack of happiness? Not really. There is nothing admirable about being a numb fuck, who's dead inside, particularly while you're still alive. Not daring to be free, happy, or to simply feel is not the same as being happy. It is, in its simplest terms, being dead. And you may not be unhappy when you're dead, but you're also not the opposite. Actually, you're a little bit of nothing. Is that your goal in life, my friend? Because if it is your goal, just close this page, 'cause this is not for those that love to dwell in self-pity, or those that enjoy to avoid experiencing most or even all kinds of feelings. This is for people that believe in this reality, that simply love the idea of life and know, in the most accurate sense of the word, that there is “more to life”... please, without attaching any kind of nonsensical belief in the afterlife to, especially, this latter statement. No, it is for all of those mad people around us that know, deep down inside: God exists, but I am the one creating him, it's me who's in control of my life. That means: whenever I cannot control the huge amount of crap flying my way – and, well, I can't – I can still control what shield I will grab to avoid it hitting me right in the face! Again, just get it: Life is not about fairness, it is not about getting what you want ... It is about being happy anyway, even when you're not and there's no single reason to be, because you learn to never, ever, ever forget that apart from death, you can survive anything. Yes, anything, including God's magic “torture tools”-box.